Oldie but goodie

So a few years back I was dating this guy, we'll call him "Boris". So Boris was supposed to come over to my place one night after he finished his shift. He worked the door at a bar.

Usually I would expect a call to buzz him in around 2:30, sometimes 3. But usually he would call to make sure I was awake. (I had a habit of passing out and then he'd have to walk all the way back to his house - poor baby - well now that seems to be perfectly fine to me) So 3am comes and goes, I try calling. I tried calling a few times actually, no answer. He's partying at the bar after hours obviously. So I go to sleep.

My phone rings at 7am. I look over and see it's Boris. So I let it go to vmail and roll back over. He leaves a vmail. Then 10 min later he calls back again. So I think, OK fine and I pick up.

me "Hi"
Boris "Hi sweetie??? I am freaking out... the government has me and they just let me out, but I didn't think they were going to... and I don't know where I am and I don't know what happened"
me "Wait. What?? Where are you?"
Boris "I don't know! They had me strapped down by my head!"
me "Well are you on the street? Grab a cab, come over."
Boris "I have no idea where I am (hysterical)"
me "Ok, walk to the closest big street and look for a cab, tell them where I am, just come over."
Boris "Ok ok ok... strapped down by my HEAD!"


About 10-15 min go by, and I get a call from him downstairs to buzz him in. He comes up, I open the door and he comes inside. Pretty much hysterical still. Sits down on my couch and starts rocking back and forth. So, at this point I am concerned and am trying to figure out what happened the night before. He doesn't remember since he was pretty much still drunk at this point.

He puts his hands on his head and leans into them, exposing a white bracelet on his wrist. An ER bracelet. "You were in the F*ck*ng ER!?! What did you guys do last night!?!"

And he just goes, "Well I was walking to your house then I don't remember... then I woke up and these guys were surrounding me and had me strapped down to this board by my HEAD. MY HEAD!!!"

me : "Ok ok, just calm down. You don't know what time you left the bar?"

He goes "No, I don't."

Awesome. The best part of this however was the vmail. And I swear I must have kept that thing in my saved messages for at least a year.

In summary:

Sweetie, The government has me, and they won't let me go. Can you please call and tell them I am not a terrorist. I love you.